One of the most common reasons dogs struggle with training has nothing to do with the dog at all. It's not a lack of intelligence. It's not stubbornness. And it's not because the family isn't trying hard enough.
More often than many people realize, the reason is that different family members are unintentionally teaching the dog different rules.
Dogs learn from the information we give them, and when that information is inconsistent, dogs are confused about what we expect of them, so they behave erratically.
That's why good communication and consistency among family members are some of the most important, and often overlooked, parts of successful dog training.
Imagine Learning a New Rule Every Day
Imagine starting a new job where one supervisor tells you to do a task one way, another supervisor tells you to do it differently, and a third changes the rules depending on the day. You would probably become frustrated, confused, and behave erratically too!
Dogs experience that same confusion when family members have different expectations. For example:
- One person allows the dog on the couch, while another doesn’t.
- One family member praises and pets their dog for jumping because they enjoy enthusiastic greetings, while another scolds the dog for jumping.
- One person wants the dog to sit before eating their food, while another simply puts the food bowl down.
None of these people are wrong, but they’re leaving the dog to try to figure out which set of rules applies at that moment.
Dogs are excellent observers and they pay attention to what works.
If we sometimes give a dog attention for jumping but other times we scold them, the dog learns that jumping sometimes works, so they keep jumping.
This often leads families to say things like:
- "They know better."
- "They’re testing us."
- "They only do it with certain people."
Everything the family is saying is correct, but it’s because their dog knows that jumping gets them attention often enough to be worthwhile.
Consistency Makes Learning Easier
One of the fastest ways to help a dog learn to behave as we’d like is to do our best to have every family member respond the same way. This helps dogs learn more quickly because they see clear and consistent expectations.
For example, if everyone agrees that their dog should sit before receiving attention, and then everyone follows through on that agreement.
Very quickly, the dog realizes that sitting works in all situations and with all family members, so they begin offering a sit automatically because that behavior consistently gets them attention, with no guessing needed.
Communication Leads to Consistency
As a family, a crucial step in becoming consistent is to have a family conversation about household rules, ideally before you welcome a new dog into your home.
Parts of that discussion might include:
- Are we going to allow our dog on furniture?
- Where do we want our dog to sleep?
- Do we want our dog to sit before meals?
- What do we want our dog to do when guests arrive?
- How do we want to respond to jumping?
- What words do we want to use with our dog?
These discussions may seem simple, but they’ll prevent a lot of confusion later.
If you’ve just realized that your family members are inconsistent with your current dog, that’s okay. Have a family discussion now and agree to move forward together. Your dog will thank you!
Next, Use the Same Words
Your dog won’t understand that:
- "Come"
- "To me"
- "Here"
- "Let's go"
are all asking them to do the same behavior.
As people, it’s obvious to us that these words all mean the same thing, but to a dog, they sound like completely different words.
In your family discussion, choose one word or phrase for each behavior so that everyone in the family will use it consistently.
Progress Happens Faster When Everyone Works Together
When everyone uses the same words, follows the same rules, and rewards the same behaviors, dogs often progress much more quickly than families expect.
The dog becomes more confident because they understand what is expected.
The family becomes less frustrated because the dog's behavior becomes more predictable.
Everyone wins!
The Takeaway
Dogs thrive when the people in their lives communicate clearly and consistently.
Before assuming your dog is stubborn or difficult, take a moment to ask:
- Are we all following the same rules?
- Are we all using the same words?
- Are we all rewarding the same behaviors?
By communicating with one another and presenting your dog with clear, consistent expectations, you'll make learning easier, reduce confusion, and help your dog become a more confident and reliable member of your family.